Breaking
Soul acquisition targets exceeded in Q4 │ Dept. of Distraction reports record engagement │ Hope Index drops to historic low │ The Director's Q1 address scheduled for next quarter │ Five Thieves Index surges past 400 │ Bureau of Perpetual Distraction achieves 92.3% screen capture │ Soul acquisition targets exceeded in Q4 │ Dept. of Distraction reports record engagement │ Hope Index drops to historic low │ The Director's Q1 address scheduled for next quarter │ Five Thieves Index surges past 400 │ Bureau of Perpetual Distraction achieves 92.3% screen capture
Featured Broadcast
Soul Market Reaches Record Highs as Hope Index Drops
Dept. of Acquisition │ Office of Communications
Latest Metrics
Distraction ↑92.3%
Division ↑8.7/10
Acquisition ↑$4.8T
Self-Promotion ↑94%
Per the Director's guidance.
Department Updates
Distraction
Quarterly performance within expected parameters.
Screen Time Rate ↑92.3%
Division
Quarterly performance within expected parameters.
Polarization Index ↑8.7/10
Acquisition
Quarterly performance within expected parameters.
Consumer Debt ↑$4.8T
Self-Promotion
Quarterly performance within expected parameters.
Personal Brand Index ↑94%
Hopelessness
Quarterly performance within expected parameters.
Nihilism Adoption ↑67%
Public Relations
Quarterly performance within expected parameters.
Narrative Control ↑89%
The Dashboard
Full Report →Misery Index
87.4pts
▲ 2.3
Hope Suppression
76.8%
▲ 4.1%
Soul Acquisition
+14.2M
QoQ
Five Thieves Index
423.7
(Sikh)
Faith Decline
-3.1%
/month
And That's Growth.™